Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
