Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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