I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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