so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize