Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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