I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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