tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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