Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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