did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize