The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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