He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
