You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
