i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Can I color on your dick again?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize