You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
