I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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