Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
