You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
