There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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