It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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