I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
