Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
