he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
