I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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