Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
