My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
