She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
