No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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