you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
