We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
