Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
