When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
