Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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