I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
