Please, let me fuck your mom
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
