do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize