You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
do nipples grow back?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
