Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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