we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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