atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
