I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
