haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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