so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm too high and old for this...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
