why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
birth control should be required to get into college
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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