just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
