Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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