So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
These tits shall not be calmed
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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