Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
