Dual....:-)
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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