Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
