she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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