Yo dont text me then not text me
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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