What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
