dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
