a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
