so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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