Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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