I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Im part way to drunk.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
