Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
