You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
People in love make me want to vomit
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
