matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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