Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
