a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
