I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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