You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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