Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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