Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
