so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
