with your own penis?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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