Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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