she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we're making bets on your personal life
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
