I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
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