I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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