im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
