oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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