guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize