So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
