it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize