I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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