No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
