You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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