even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
