Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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