What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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