I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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