Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize