I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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