don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
