I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
