accomplished twins. life is a go
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
