Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
