Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
