Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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