Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
