p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
