I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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