Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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