I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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