I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Still dying that you shit outside
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So much Jack, so little girl.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize