I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
