I need help removing her.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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