We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
