Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
