im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
