i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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