I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I licked your asshole in confidence.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize