You don't have asthma, your pregnant
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
