And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I have fence marks all over my body
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
