Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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