Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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