Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
