We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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