My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
